Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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