he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
