I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
