is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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