Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
