Im at strip club and am horny
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
sex in a hospital.. check
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
