I just cut my nipple shaving
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
