I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
