It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
