You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
