woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
