So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
