She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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