I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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