Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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