dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
