we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
