I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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