you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
