I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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