Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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