I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
