When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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