listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
