i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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