Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Blood and glitter go together right?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
