Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
