Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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