Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
