you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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