She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
