The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
