Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
