please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
