my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
