I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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