sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
