So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
