Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
