Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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