took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
