my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
