Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
