now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
