I just pynch a tree in the face
i need an iv and a liver transplant
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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