This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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