So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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