Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
