I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My ass is underappreciated
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
