I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
