the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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